Choose your hard.
When you look at decisions this way, new paths open up.
The past 18 months have been the hardest of my life.
I made the decision invest in myself when I had no idea what I was creating - or how long it would take to get there.
It’s required processing anxiety and fear on a daily basis, spending savings, and taking on debt.
It’s required failing, u-turning, and making bad art in front of everyone that follows me as I figure out what I want to say.
It’s required drastically reducing the amount I socialize, travel, and consume.
All of this has been the uncomfortable work of breaking through my comfort zone so I could access a new reality.
People have called me brave. And I guess you can frame it that way.
But to me, it’s been the easiest option.
Because I’m very clear that no matter what direction I go, something will always be hard.
Sure, I could try and go back into a full time job, employed by someone else.
This would be hard because I’d have to conform to other people’s schedules, priorities, ideas. I’d feel the pain of sacrificing my creative voice and self-expression in exchange for a steady pay check. This all feels sad and very painful and like a recipe for profound regret.
Sure, I could try and scale the old version of my business.
This would be hard because while highly-effective, this program no longer has the spark of my heart. I’ve got nothing left to give it creatively. Scaling this would feel like scaling a version of myself I’ve outgrown. That feels depressing.
Or, I try to figure out this new version of myself that’s coming online.
Sure, I’m going to have to experience unfamiliar, uncomfortable things. And this will be hard. But if I don’t give up and keep iterating through the discomfort, the payoff is a version of my work and life that feels creative, energizing, spiritual, and deeply aligned. The payoff is a brand new version of me that figured out how to get there.
I want that life, that business, that version of me. So that felt like to the easiest hard to choose.
Throughout my life I have always chosen the path that is most in service of my growth and just decided to keep going until I figured it out.
But that’s me.
Choosing your hard doesn’t always have to mean choosing to be an entrepreneur and going all in on your dreams and the personal growth required to access them. It’s just about being very clear that every path you choose will have a mix of comfort and discomfort.
For example, I was working with a client who was in a demanding investment banking job. She hated it. It was all consuming and doing everything they asked of her meant getting home late, ordering delivery, not exercising, not spending enough time with her boyfriend, not exploring hobbies and next steps in her career, and barely having a social life.
But she felt she had to because otherwise they would judge her and think she wasn’t good at her job.
I helped her zoom out and see that no matter what she chose, both options would have a mix of comfort and discomfort.
Option A feel the comfort of ‘doing a good job’ with the discomfort of sacrificing the rest of her life and not making the progress she wanted to make on figuring out what came next. Essentially, staying with the status quo.
Option B feel the comfort of creating time for a personal life and personal growth with the discomfort of not meeting everyone’s demands and standards at work and potentially getting some negative comments in a performance review. Essentially, the price of growing into someone new.
No choice is wrong. But it’s important to recognize the either way will be hard, so you can go all in on choosing the hard you want.
She chose Option B.
And by taking the step towards prioritizing herself over other people’s opinions and standards she eventually found the conviction to leave investment banking without another job lined up, have fun talking to people doing cool things in the start-up space, and that eventually led to an energizing role as a COO. Jane’s story is here if interested.
The point is this: every path through life is hard.
It’s life, we’re here to learn and grow. Whatever is hard is a lesson life is trying to teach you. So look at your options carefully and choose the lesson you’d most like to learn.
Personally, I always choose the lessons that grow me into the next version of myself.
PS. If you liked this article you will also like How do you know you’re on your path? Because it disappears.
PPS. If you’re searching for a new structure of work and life that feels more energizing, aligned, and meaningful, let’s chat.
I have designed a super fun 6 week group program that gives you the foundational concepts to launch your most aligned next chapter. It starts in June and includes in person evenings in New York City.
I also have year long 1x1 spots for those who want to go deep on this work, want to root out their stickiest blocks, and transform every corner of their life. Can chat about them all on a consultation.
super relatable
We are always exchanging one set of problems with another. Money/job solves a lot of problems while creating a whole new cluster. ‘Chose your hard’ is a great frame on decision making, short sweet and sharp.